Thank You Cards No.3

If you ever read my old blog, you'll know that I thoroughly enjoy Jimmy Fallon and when he does his weekly "thank you cards."  You can read previous installments if you'd like:  No.1 here  No.2 here.

So, without further adieu... I give you Thank you notes No. 3.

Dear Nail places, 

Thank you for mutilating, YES, you heard me, mutilating my poor cuticles every time I get my nails done. Let's play a game of odds. I have ten fingers and six places where you cut me and made me bleed. Not. Good. Odds. 

Dear Girl Scouts of America, 

Thank you for allowing me to support your goal of selling a bazillion boxes of cookies while simultaneously allowing me to double my pants size. Jeez, what a deal!

Dear Zumba, 

Thank you for making me feel like it's ok to eat a whole pizza since "I worked out twice this week." Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, ya.

Dear Eye Brow Waxing, 

Thank you for making me look like a freak for a whole day with bright red eye brows in order to have nicely shaped brows for the next six weeks. I guess it's worth it. 

Dear People of Walmart, 

Thank you for making me feel better about myself even on days when I don't shower, rock the "second day smokey eye" look and embrace my frizzy hair. You're my favorite.